My 2018 New Years resolution is to meet Oprah. I know you’re supposed to choose something you can truly manifest for yourself, or a goal that feels moderately attainable so you don’t max out trying, but eff that. I am going to manifest the sh*t out of Oprah. PLUS, it just so happens that my other 2018 goal was to finally, for the first time in my life, stick to a weight loss program and feel healthy/ good about my body. Which, truth be told the latter feels MUCH less realistic than actually meeting the one and only, future president of the United States of OWN, Oprah Winfrey. Clearly there is only one realistic, not over the top, logical way to achieve both goals.
Do Weight Watchers to meet Oprah.
If there’s one thing I know about Oprah, other than that she has the world’s most supple skin curated from specialized Japanese silk worms, is that she too has struggled with weight her whole life. She’s always been a guiding light to me, reminding me that, no matter my size I can still become the most powerful, respected, wealthy, classic, iconic and beautiful woman in the world, be friends with Beyonce, scream about loving bread and still love my body the way it is. So, I will.
The onnnnnlllllyyyyyyy slight differences between Oprah and myself are that I’m not the wealthiest woman in the free world and I’m a single lady living in NYC where social temptation tends to rule over healthy choices. IE, your girl likes to go OUT and like many people in New york, socializing is somewhat integral to her career growth. Plus, for a single gal, meal prep doesn’t always pan out like it does for someone with a family (posse) or a couple (Stedman), because you basically end up eating the same chili for two weeks until you’re worried the meat has gone bad and it has and you have food poisoning now, thanks CLEAN EATING. So if you're like me, a lot of health and weight loss blogs out there don't really apply to a single city lifestyle. Add in the cost of living in NYC and you’ve got yourself a weight loss equation that even Anthony Hopkins in that math movie with Jake Gyllenhaal couldn’t solve.
Lucky for me I have supportive friends, one of whom has already threatened to “cut all ties” from me if I do meet Oprah and don’t invite her. So, the stakes are high even if I do accomplish this challenge, but the points are low. Very low. Not enough cocktails low.
Stick around if you're a good person who likes watching people achieve their dreams and you want someone to commiserate and compare hot takes with on the new Weight Watchers Freestyle program/ Oprah's pending presidential campaign. Stop reading if you're a true monster who hates happiness. Just like health, THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
Oprah… I’m coming.